A Reminder to Dream Bigger

When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a photographer for national geographic. I wanted to travel the world and take amazing photographs that spoke to people. I remember doing a little research on the idea and immediately started to talk myself out of this dream. There's so many great photographers out there and I thought I would never be good enough.

In high school, I took all of the art classes. I learned to develop film in a dark room, I was always in advanced classes and I even won scholarships for my talents. Some of my first jobs were working for other photographers and yet I still didn't believe I was good enough. The world convinced me that you can't make it as a full time artist. I told myself this as well. I knew I would eventually want to travel, buy a house, have a nice car and I couldn't imagine surviving or having a full life on an Artists paycheck.

In college, I didn't know what to study so I took all of the art classes along with my general studies. I think I was afraid to admit to myself that I wanted a fine art or liberal arts degree. After all, there was a long standing joke of college students graduating with art degrees and then not being able to get a job afterwards. I pursued another passion of mine but was always called to create.

Here I am, almost 30 and I now have a photography business that I adore. I have had my business for five years and each year I watch my business grow, I find myself growing as well. These deep rooted fears of not being good enough, not being able to make it and not being able to pay my bills are still a really scary element of my life. I find myself talking myself out of potential growth. I don't post on social media consistently because I am afraid of putting myself out there. I go through marketing slumps when I am scared to attract new clients. I am living my dream but yet I am still afraid of my potential. I hold myself back probably more often than I care to admit.

I wonder where I would be if I spent the last 17 years believing in myself. I wonder if I would be a world renowned photographer. I wonder if I would have made range finders list of 30 rising Stars under 30. I wonder if I would have built a portfolio that National Geographic would be proud of...

I'm writing this as a reminder to myself to let myself dream bigger. To teach myself not to let my fears run my life. Most importantly, I am writing this, so that I when I am 47, I will look back and say, I may have started late, but since writing this blog post, I took every opportunity to fulfill my dreams.

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